IF I WAS AWESOME I’D MANAGE TO UPDATE THIS BLOG AGAIN SOMETIME BEFORE THE HUMAN APOCALYPSE, FUCKASS.
[ooc lol thnx.]
TYRION IS READING IN THE WINTERFELL LITERARY REPOSITORY OF LEISURELY PERUSAL.
WHEN WILL THE EXCITEMENT STOP.
THE DIREWOLF MUSCLEBEASTS ARE HOWLING UP A FUCKING STORM AND TYRION WANDERS OUT OF THE REPOSITORY TO HAVE SOME CHARACTER-ESTABLISHING DIALOGUE WITH JOFFREY AND SANDOR.
OKAY.
WHATEVER.
FINE.
FINE.
I GUESS THAT WAS VAGUELY ENJOYABLE TO READ.
OF COURSE, I MEAN THIS COMPARATIVELY, CONSIDERING WHAT THIS PILE OF EARTH TREE PULP HAS SO FAR PROVIDED. GIVEN SUCH PALLID ATTEMPTS AT BASE ENTERTAINMENT, I DON’T KNOW WHAT OTHER WAY I COULD MEAN IN THE VAST SCHEME OF THE COSMOS I CREATED FOR YOU.
TYRION GIVES JOFFREY THE TALKING TO HE’S DESERVED FOR A WHILE NOW, AND THEN LEAVES TO FEED WITH HIS BROODMATES.
IT TURNS OUT THAT BRAN SURVIVED HIS FALL, AND HAS BEEN UNCONSCIOUS FOR FOUR DAYS. JAIME AND CERSEI SHARE SOME KNOWING LOOKS THAT WOULD PROBABLY BE WAY MORE THEMATIC AND SHOCKING IF I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT WAS GOING ON.
CERSEI GETS PISSED AND STALKS AWAY WITH HER ROYAL GRUBS, AND JAIME AND TYRION DISCUSS WHETHER OR NOT THEY’RE GOING TO CULL BRAN. LIKE THAT’S UP TO THEM.
IS IT UP TO THEM?
I DON’T FUCKING KNOW.
HUMANS MAKE NO SENSE.
TYRION GETS OMINOUS.
THAT WAS FUCKING POINTLESS.
> Read A Game of Thrones: Jon II.
BRAN TALKS ABOUT HOW FUCKING PUMPED HE IS TO GO SOUTH WITH HIS STUPID “FAMILY”. GOOD. GREAT.
HIS HONORABLE TYRANNY IS HUNTING AND JON IS AVOIDING PEOPLE, PERHAPS IN A MERCIFUL EFFORT TO SPARE EVERYONE HIS DOLOROUS FUCKING COMPANY.
WHAT IS THIS BOOK?
A GAME OF CHRONIC DEPRESSION?
BRAN WANDERS AROUND HIS LAWNRING AND ASCENDS THE LANDING SLATS. I SEE, THIS IS A FASCINATING CHRONICLE OF WHAT PRIMITIVE CULTURES DO FOR ENTERTAINMENT.
UH OH, LOOKS LIKE SHIT IS FINALLY HAPPENING. JUBIL-FUCKING-LATION.
BRAN LISTENS AS TWO NOOKSUCKERS DISCUSS WHAT SLOWLY BECOMES EVIDENT IS HIS FATHER.
THEY DELVE INTO DEEPLY FASCINATING POLITICAL GARBAGE AND THROW AROUND SOME NAMES I DON’T RECOGNIZE. I’LL HAZARD A GUESS AND ASSUME WE MEET THEM LATER.
IS THIS THE FABLED FORESHADOWING I’VE HEARD ABOUT? I CAN BARELY CONTAIN THE UNDULATING MIRTH IN MY ANTICIPATION GLOBULE.
ANYWAY, THESE ASSHOLES MORE OR LESS CONFIRM THE LANNISTERS KILLED JON ARYN, SINCE IT’S REALLY FUCKING OBVIOUS BRAN IS SPYING ON CERSEI AND JAIME OR CERSEI AND TYRION. NO OTHER SIBLING PAIRS HAVE BEEN INTRODUCED AND NONE OF THE STARKS HAVE EVER SAID “SWEET SISTER”.
OH GOD, YOU ARE ALL PARASITES.
THAT IS DISGUSTING.
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELVES. HOW HUMANITY DIDN’T SHAME ITSELF OUT OF EXISTENCE IS BEYOND ME AND I FUCKING CREATED YOU.
PUTTING ASIDE DISGUSTING ALIEN REPRODUCTION, THIS IS STILL KIND OF GROSS. CERSEI IS DOUBLE-CROSSING HER MATESPRIT WITH HER MOIRAIL?
THAT’S JUST NOT HEALTHY. HER QUADRANTS ARE COMPLETELY OUT OF BALANCE.
BRAN IS AS DISGUSTED IN THE THINK PAN AS I AM AND NEARLY FALLS OFF THE ELEVATED ACUMINOUS CYLINDER. WHILE HE CLINGS TO ITS SIDE FOR DEAR LIFE, JAIME AND CERSEI HAVE A CHARMING CONVERSATION, BEFORE JAIME HELPS HIM UP.
> Read A Game of Thrones: Tyrion I.
FUCK, IS THIS BOOK JUST A CHRONICLE OF COMPLAINTS?
ALL EVERYONE EVER DOES IS BITCH AND MOAN.
THIS FIASCO STARTS WITH ARYA COMPLAINING ABOUT HER STITCHING. THEN SHE COMPLAINS ABOUT HER BROODMATE, SANSA. THEN SHE COMPLAINS ABOUT WHO SHE SAT WITH AT THE FEAST. THEN SHE COMPLAINS ABOUT THE PRINCESS.
WOW, THIS BOOK HAS TOO MANY LIKABLE CHARACTERS.
WHAT WILL I DO WITH THEM ALL.
ANYWAY, ARYA IS TERRIBLE AT KNITTING OR SOME SHIT, WHICH IS APPARENTLY A BIG FUCKING DEAL. SHE RUNS OUT OF THE ROOM, TALKS ABOUT HOW MUCH SHE LOVES HER STUPID WOLF, AND THEN MEETS UP WITH JON. THEY WATCH BRAN AND TOMMEN TRAIN.
THEY TALK MEANINGFULLY ABOUT JON’S STATUS AS A BASTARD, WHICH I’M GOING TO PRETEND I UNDERSTAND BECAUSE OTHERWISE I MIGHT THROW THIS BOOK ACROSS THE ROOM AGAIN.
WOW, THAT’S PROFOUND. HOW HAVE I GONE MY WHOLE FUCKING MISERABLE LIFE WITHOUT READING THIS TOME OF INESCAPABLE WISDOM?
WAIT, SO WOMEN CAN’T FIGHT?
IS THAT A HUMAN THING OR A FANTASYLAND THING?
IT’S DUMB ENOUGH TO BE EITHER, SO I CAN’T TELL ANYMORE.
THIS SHITTY BOOK HAS MADE ME LOOSE ALL PERSPECTIVE, I HOPE YOU’RE GETTING A GOOD CHUCKLE OUT OF IT, DUMBSHITS.
ARYA GOES BACK TO HER ROOM, AND CATELYN AND HER SEPTA OR WHATEVER ARE THERE WAITING FOR HER.
WOW, THAT CHAPTER SURE WAS MEANINGFUL. WHAT’S NEXT, AN ENTIRE CHAPTER OF FEEDING THE DIREWOLVES TO ESTABLISH SOMEONE IS CARING FOR THEM? I MEAN GODDAMN.
THIS CHAPTER STARTS WITH CATELYN — FINALLY, A CHARACTER WE’VE ALREADY SEEN BEFORE — DETAILING HOW HOT IT IS IN HER FUCKING CASTLE AND HOW SHE…
WHAT.
NO.
OH GOD, ARE HUMAN WRIGGLERS PARASITES OR SOMETHING?
I DON’T WANT TO KNOW.
NOW THAT I’VE SUCCESSFULLY BLOCKED THAT IMAGE OUT OF MY THINK PAN FOREVER, LET’S GET ON WITH THIS FRIGGING CHAPTER SO I CAN BURN OUT THE MEMORY ENTIRELY. FUCK FUCK FUCK, WHAT IS WRONG WITH HUMANS?!
WOW, THAT’S PRETTY HARSH. BUT IT MAKES SENSE, I GUESS. YOU CAN’T REALLY BE MOIRAILS ANYMORE IF YOU NEVER COMMUNICATE, WHICH IS THE SENSE I GET FROM THESE TWO. THEY USED TO BE GOOD MOIRAILS, BUT THEY DIDN’T SEE EACH OTHER FOR SWEEPS, AND NOW THEY’RE TRYING TO BE MOIRAILS AGAIN AND IT’S NOT WORKING.
IT’S ACTUALLY PRETTY POIGNANT.
NEDDARD AND CATELYN SCHEME TO GET SANSA AND JOFFREY TOGETHER AS MATESPRITS — WHICH IS STILL REALLY FUCKING WEIRD, BUT I’M GUESSING THAT’S NORMAL FOR YOU FUCKED UP PEOPLE.
CATELYN TRIES TO PUT SOME SENSE IN NEDDARD’S UGLY THINK PAN; SHE ACTUALLY SEEMS TO BE GETTING SOMEWHERE WHEN THEIR MAESTER LUWIN COMES INTO THEIR RESPITEBLOCK.
AND THEN… OKAY, WOW, HE GIVES CATELYN A CODED MESSAGE THAT SAYS THE LANNISTERS KILLED HER SISTER’S HUSBAND, WHICH I’M GUESSING IS BIG NEWS FOR YOU GUYS. I THOUGHT CERSEI WAS A LANNISTER AND HER IMPERIOUS CONDESCENSION, BUT MAYBE YOU’VE GOT WEIRD RULES ABOUT THAT SHIT. ACTUALLY, YOU PROBABLY DO.
ANYWAY, NEDDARD AND CATELYN DEFINITELY DECIDE TO GET SANSA AND JOFFREY FLUSHED FOR EACH OTHER, AND FOR NED TO BE HAND OF THE KING. NED’S UPSET ABOUT IT, BUT FUCK HIM, ALL HE DOES IS BROOD. THEY DECIDE HE’LL TAKE A BUNCH OF THE WRIGGLERS SOUTH WITH HIM, WHILE CATELYN, RICKON AND ROBB STAY. WHAT IS WITH NEDDARD AND HIM LEAVING PEOPLE HE’S IN QUADRANTS WITH. WHAT THE FUCK.
CATELYN EXPOSITIONS SOME MORE ABOUT WHY SHE HATES JON, WHICH I DON’T FUCKING UNDERSTAND AT ALL. FUCK IT.
ALL I’M GETTING FROM THIS IS
AND NOW THEY’RE GOING TO SEND JON TO THE WALL, WHICH IS WHAT HE WANTS TO DO ANYWAY, SO GOOD FOR FUCKING HIM.
THEY TALK A BIT MORE AND NEDDARD ENDS THE CHAPTER THE WAY HE ALWAYS DOES WHENEVER HE GETS A CHANCE.
DID YOU KNOW WINTER WAS COMING?
I CAN’T FUCKING HANDLE THE SUSPENSE.
SO WE FAST FORWARD A BIT, TO FIND THAT JON IS CONGRATULATING HIMSELF ON MANAGING TO SCORE SOME BOOZE.
GREAT.
GOOD TO KNOW WE’RE FOLLOWING FUCKING GENIUSES HERE.
SO THIS CHAPTER STARTS WITH PAGE AFTER PAGE OF — YOU GUESSED IT — EXPOSITION. JON NAMES EVERY SINGLE CHARACTER THAT’S BEEN INTRODUCED SO FAR, JUST IN CASE YOU HADN’T GOTTEN THEM FUCKING FIGURED YET. WOW, NOT ONLY ARE WE REVIEWING STUFF WE WEREN’T AROUND TO SEE, BUT ALSO SHIT THAT LITERALLY JUST HAPPENED. AMAZING. THE AVERAGE HUMAN BRAIN MUST TRULY BE AN INDENT OF PULSATING ROT AND MALIGNANCY.
IN ORDER, THE CHARACTERS NAMED BY JON ARE:
NEDDARD, RESIDENT DIPSHIT.
QUEEN LADY, WHO SEEMS SO FAR TO EXIST SO THAT THE NARRATOR CAN DESCRIBE HER FACE. I THINK HER NAME IS CERSEI? FINALLY, ONE OF THE CHARACTERS HAS A PROPER FUCKING NAME.
KING ROBERT, WHO EXISTS SO THE NARRATOR CAN REMIND US HE’S FAT. I FUCKING GOT IT THE FIRST TWENTY TIMES, JACKASS.
LADY STARK, WHO I AM GOING TO GUESS WITH MY INFINITE FACULTIES IS CATELYN. WHAT IS WITH YOU PEOPLE AND YOUR AVERSION TO NAMES.
RICKON, WHOSE ONLY DEFINING CHARACTERISTIC SEEMS TO BE HOW HE’S YOUNG. OOOH, I AM YET AGAIN FASCINATED BY THIS DIVINE NARRATIVE TWIST.
ROBB, WHO ONLY MERITS THE DESCRIPTION OF HIS CLOTHES. LUCKILY, I AT LEAST CAN REMEMBER THAT HE’S APPARENTLY THE OLDEST OF NEDDARD’S ‘TRUEBORN’ CHILDREN, WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT MEANS. WOW, I CANNOT IMAGINE WHAT THOSE OF YOU WITHOUT SUPERIOR APTITUDES FOR ROUTE MEMORIZATION MUST HAVE FELT LIKE, READING PARAGRAPH OF PARAGRAPH OF REVIEW AND THINKING IT WAS ALL BRAND SPARKLING NEW INFORMATION. EVERY DAY, YOU WAKE UP IN YOUR RECUPERACOON AND LOOK AROUND AT YOUR RESPITEBLOCK AND THINK, “HOLY FUCKING SHIT, HOW DID I GET HERE?”
MYRCELLA, ANOTHER FUCKING PRINCESS. SHE HAS HAIR THAT URGENTLY NEEDS TO BE DESCRIBED.
ARYA, WHO APPARENTLY EXISTS. THANKS FOR THE CLARIFICATION, NARRATIVE! I DON’T KNOW WHAT I WOULD HAVE DONE WITHOUT YOU.
TOMMEN, WHO ALSO HAS HAIR IN DIRE NEED OF DESCRIPTION (WHITE-BLOND! MY THINK PAN PULSATES WITH ALL THESE DAMNS THAT I GIVE).
SANSA, WHO CONTINUES TO EXIST SINCE THE LAST TIME SHE WAS MENTIONED IN THE NARRATIVE. GOOD FOR HER.
JOFFREY, WHO JON SEEMS TO THINK IS AN ASSHOLE BASED ENTIRELY UPON HIS FACE. I CAN’T REALY ARGUE WITH JON HERE; SOME HUMANS HAVE FUCKING STUPID FACES.
JAIME LANNISTER, CERSEI’S TWIN BROODMATE. IT IS YET AGAIN IMPERATIVE THAT I KNOW HE HAS YELLOW HAIR. I SHAKE IN AWE. MORE IMPORTANTLY THIS IS THE NOOKSUCKER THAT KILLED THE LAST KING. GREAT. GOOD FOR HIM. NICE TO KNOW SOMEONE CAN GET SHIT DONE AROUND HERE INSTEAD OF SITTING AROUND AND BROODING ABOUT IT. DID YOU KNOW WINTER IS COMING? HOT FUCKING SHIT!
TYRION LANNISTER, CERSEI’S BROODMATE BUT NOT HER TWIN, WHATEVER THAT MEANS, WHO IS REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY SHORT AND UGLY. I’M SURE THIS IS RELEVANT, NARRATIVE! GOOD TO FUCKING KNOW!
BENJEN, JON’S UNCLE OR WHATEVER.
THEON GREYJOY, WHO IS A WARD OF NEDDARD THANKS TO A FAILED REBELLION BY THE GREYJOYS. I’M NOT TELING YOU THIS BECAUSE I CARE, I’M TELLING YOU THIS BECAUSE THE NARRATIVE HAS REVIEWED IT AT LEAST SEVENTEEN FUCKING TIMES SO FAR AND IF I HAVE TO SUFFER, I’M TAKING ALL YOU SQUIRMING WRIGGLERS WITH ME.
WOW, HOW WILL I EVER PUT THIS PULPY NARRATIVE RECEPTACLE DOWN.
SO FAR, THIS CHAPTER HAS BEEN JON TELLING ME SHIT I ALREADY KNEW — WOW, AND I THOUGHT THE ENDLESS EXPOSITION WAS BAD — AND JON COMPLAINING ABOUT BEING A BASTARD, WHICH I AM GIVEN TO UNDERSTAND IS A HUMAN THING.
I DON’T GET IT. I DON’T WANT TO GET IT. I AM SICK OF THIS MULTICULTURAL BULLSHIT.
GREAT, WE EVENTUALLY GET TO WATCH JON GET FUCKMURDERED BY OTHERS.
TO BE PERFECTLY HONEST, I AM EXCITED FOR THIS.
SO FAR THIS BOOK HAS ME PRAYING THEY’RE GOING TO TAKE DOWN THE WALL AND RAIN SMOKING RUIN UPON ALL THESE CLUELESS GRUBFUCKERS.
SO JON ARGUES WITH THIS GUY — A MEMBER OF HIS WORTHLESS HUMAN “FAMILY” — BEFORE GETTING UPSET ENOUGH TO WEEP PATHETIC, FOOLISH BABYTEARS AND RUN OUT OF THE ROOM, WHERE HE MEETS THE IMP HUMAN.
TYRION POKES JON’S MUSCLEBEAST A BIT AND DECIDES TO GET POETIC.
THIS IS STUPID.
OH GOD, NOT THIS STUPID PRICK.
HE GETS A CHAPTER TOO?
UGH, WHY DON’T I JUST CARVE MY SENSORY NUB OUT WITH A METALLIC SUSTENANCE CARRIER.
FUCK.
SO HERE’S MY QUESTION FOR YOU NOOKSUCKERS.
WHAT THE HELL IS THIS GUY’S NAME?
DOES HIS THINK PAN PREVENT HIM FROM MAKING CHOICES A WRIGGLER COULD HANDLE?
I HAVE MOSTLY GOTTEN OVER YOUR ARCANE NAMING CONVENTIONS, SPECIFICALLY HOW YOU FREAKS JUGGLE SECONDARY NAMES LIKE THEY’LL START TO SMELL IF YOU KEEP THEM TOO LONG, BUT THIS DOUCHE DEFINITELY HAS TWO FIRST NAMES.
PICK ONE.
JUST
PICK
ONE.
HIS HONORABLE TYRANNY IS NED/DARD’S MOIRAIL. GREAT. GOOD FOR THEM. I’M SOILING MYSELF WITH FECULENT JOY.
THEN ROBERT TAKES NEDDARD DOWN INTO THEIR RESIDENT CORPSE GARDENS TO STARE AT STATUES AND — YOU GUESSED IT — EXPOSITION SOME MORE. THEY ARE TURNING THIS INTO A FUCKING ART FORM LIKE YOU WOULDN’T BELIEVE. I DON’T KNOW HOW THEY TAKE TWO STEPS WITHOUT REMEMBERING SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED BEFORE THE BOOK STARTED.
ACTUALLY, IF THESE FIRST FEW CHAPTERS ARE ANY INDICATION, THEY DON’T.
IGNORING THE CHILD-WOMAN PART, BECAUSE THAT’S JUST A REALLY FUCKING WEIRD THING TO SAY.
SO, EITHER ROBERT’S PREVIOUS MATESPRIT DIED, OR HE WAS A GRUBMUNCHER WHO PARTICIPATED IN REDROM INFIDELITY. CONSIDERING THIS BOOK’S STELLAR TRACK RECORD WITH IMPASSIONED DOUCHEBAGGERY SO FAR, I’M GOING TO SIDE WITH THE LATTER. EVERYONE HERE IS AN ASSHOLE.
ANYWAY, AFTER NEDDARD AND ROBERT HAVE THEIR FLASHBACK CONGO IN THE CORPSE GROTTO, THEY TALK ABOUT THE DEAD GUY NEDDARD KNEW. ROBERT KNEW HIM, TOO. WHOOP DE FUCKING DO, GOOD FOR THEM. THEY THINK THE DEAD GUY’S MATESPRIT — WHO IS CATELYN’S BROODMATE — ISN’T TAKING THE DEATH WELL, LIKE THIS IS SOME KIND OF FUCKING SURPRISE. OF COURSE SHE ISN’T, NUMBFUCKS, HER MATESPRIT JUST KICKED IT.
THEY TALK ABOUT THIS SHIT FOR A FEW MORE AGONIZING PAGES BEFORE ROBERT TRIES TO NAME NEDDARD HAND OF THE KING. I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THAT MEANS, BUT I GUESS I’M SUPPOSED TO GIVE A SHIT FROM NEDDARD’S OVERBLOWN REACTION.
AS IT BECOMES CLEAR IN THE NEXT FEW PARAGRAPHS OF SUSPICIOUSLY CONVENIENT EXPOSITION, THE HAND OF THE KING IS BASICALLY THE ROYAL VIZIER. NEVER BEING ONE TO WASTE AN OPPORTUNITY TO MOPE, NEDDARD IMMEDIATELY TALKS ABOUT HOW IT’S SO COLD THAT HE’LL DIE IF HE LAUGHS. THIS IS JUST ABOUT THE SHITTIEST EXCUSE I’VE EVER HEARD, BUT WHAT THE FUCK EVER, IT’S NOT LIKE I’M READING THIS FOR QUALITY ENTERTAINMENT.
FOR FUCK’S SAKE, WHAT IS IT WITH HUMANS AND TRYING TO FORCE MATESPRITS. I DON’T FUCKING GET IT. HAVE THESE POOR MOTHERFUCKERS EVEN MET YET? I DON’T FUCKING THINK SO.
NEDDARD AND ROBERT WANDER OFF, AND NEDDARD THINKS OMINOUS THOUGHTS WHICH I ASSUME ARE SUPPOSED TO TICKLE MY EXCITEMENT HOLLOW:
OF COURSE IT IS, FUCKASS. SEASONS ARE CYCLICAL.
I KNOW THAT AND I’M NOT EVEN FROM YOUR FUCKING PLANET.
WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THIS BOOK. IS THIS THE CHAPTER ON YOUR DISGUSTING HUMAN MATING RITUALS? PLEASE TELL ME IT ISN’T. I REALLY DON’T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT HOW YOUR WRIGGLING FLESH BABIES ARE MADE. IN FACT, I BELIEVE I COULD GO MY ENTIRE FUCKING LIFE WITHOUT LEARNING HOW YOU PEOPLE FILL PAILS.
NOTHING TOO EXCITING HAPPENS NEXT, JUST PARAGRAPHS UPON FUCKING PARAGRAPHS OF EXPOSITION. DID YOU KNOW DANAERYS IS A MOTHERFUCKING PRINCESS? OH, I’M FUCKING FASCINATED.
APPARENTLY HIS TYRANNY OF THE PLACE WE JUST LEFT USURPED THE FORMER TYRANNY IN SOME KIND OF REBELLION, WHOOP DE FUCKING DOO. DANAERYS AND HER DOUCHEBAG BROTHER ARE PLOTTING TO GET THE THRONE BACK, AND THE PLAN CURRENTLY INVOLVES COPIOUS AMOUNTS OF SEXUAL HARASSMENT, SCREAMING, AND CONVENIENTLY THINKING ABOUT SHIT DONE IN THE PAST SO IT CAN BE OH SO FUCKING BRILLIANTLY WEDGED INTO THE NARRATIVE. I’M ENTHRALLED LIKE YOU WOULDN’T FUCKING BELIEVE.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, HOLD THE FUCKING TEMPORAL VOICE CAPITULATOR. ARE THEY SERIOUSLY TRYING TO GET DANAERYS INTO A MATESPRITSHIP WITH SOME MOTHERFUCKER SHE’S NEVER MET? SERIOUSLY?
WOW, I MEAN, IT’S OBVIOUS THESE MOTHERFUCKERS ARE SERIOUS A-LEVEL DOUCHES OF THE HIGHEST CALIBER, BUT I SERIOUSLY UNDERESTIMATED THE PURE FESTERING DEPRAVITY OF THEIR REPUGNANCE. DEAR SACRED FUCK, WHAT THE HELL.
…
SO THEN DANAERYS’S DOUCHEBAG BROTHER, WHO ALSO HAS A RIDICULOUSLY LONG NAME, TAKES HER TO THIS GRAND JUBILATION FUCKFEST WHERE HE THREATENS HER REPEATEDLY, TALKS CONSTANTLY ABOUT DRAGONS, AND GENERALLY PROVES HIMSELF TO BE A HUGE FESTERING TURD. WOW, THE CHARACTERS ARE SO LIKABLE, I COULD STAB OUT MY EYES.
DANAERYS FREAKS OUT WHEN SHE SEES THAT MUSCLY MOTHERFUCKER AND I DON’T BLAME HER, BECAUSE AS FAR AS I CAN TELL EVERYONE IN THIS CHAPTER IS A DEPLORABLE EXCUSE OF A SHITSTAIN EXCEPT HER, AND SHE’S ONLY SORT OF OKAY BECAUSE ALL SHE DOES IS SIT AROUND AND WORRY. WHICH IS BORING, BUT AT LEAST SHE ISN’T CONSTANTLY TALKING ABOUT SOMEONE’S BOOBS.
SEE WHAT I MEAN? WHAT IS IT WITH THIS BOOK AND BOOBS.
I DON’T GET IT. I MEAN, NOT THAT I HAVE ANYTHING AGAINST THEM OR WHATEVER, BUT FUCK. IF YOU GO A PAGE WITHOUT MENTIONING THEM, THEY WON’T DISAPPEAR OFF THE FUCKING FACE OF THE PLANET.
UNLESS THEY DO, I DON’T KNOW HOW YOU FUCKING HUMANS WORK.
